I wanted so badly to return to my normal, lively, care-free, confident self. I was serious and tired and afraid, all the time. It affected how I breathed, how I thought, how I ate, how I slept, and how I talked. My heart was beating so hard and fast that I could actually hear it, and my left hand was going numb. I laid on the ground for 20 minutes one night, wondering whether I should call an ambulance.
THE CURE ALONE WITH YOU HOW TO
I wearily watched my girlfriend cry when I confided that I felt dead inside, all the time, and I didn’t know how to fix it. I felt jealous that she could cry, and I couldn’t. I didn’t want to be around anyone – not because I stopped liking people, but because I didn’t want them to catch my weird energy. I reluctantly threw the pills in the garbage. When I looked up the side effects, I felt like giving up. My doctor prescribed me anti-anxiety meds. I didn’t want drugs, but I was ready to take them. All that “world is coming to an end” talk - I bought into it. I saw criminals and undercover cops everywhere I went. I was sure that there was an impending disaster that would melt the social contract and pit my neighbors against me. If someone had ordered me to cry, my face would have flooded. If someone had tapped me in the chest, my body would have shattered. I tried to behave like nothing was wrong, when all I wanted to do was lock myself in a room and curl up in a ball.
It got so bad that when a friend came to visit me, I couldn’t drink a glass of water because it kept spilling just from me holding it. I could feel various parts of my face twitching, like I was about to crack. My attention was divided in every interaction: one half of me would pretend to be normal, while the other half would be trying to keep it together. I eyed everyone like they were judging me, pitying me, or attempting to manipulate me. I dreaded being around more than one person at a time. I thought I would be stabbed, shot, or arrested every time I left my apartment. I’d convinced myself that something horribly wrong was about to happen. If the tears down means you have the heart of this song.For a long time, I thought I was going crazy. And Adele in her cover version give another side of this song. It's more than a material item, it is their reality. Between the words and music sometimes give me a question, did the love the love end or The cure trying to express a love in such depressing manner ? In fact this song is a wedding gift to his wife, and maybe with the music he can express the deepest feeling he feel about their love. The cure try to say that sometimes love can be so beautiful that it causes pain. Though the music is very sad, but this song is very beautiful.
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